Quietus

The day has been just like any other usual day so far. You woke up and found yourself smiling, on account of the beatific dream you had, or maybe, you woke up and developed a frown across your forehead, as you remembered the worries with which you slept last night. Nevertheless, you got out of bed, hoping to have a good day.

You went about with the activities of the day, you enjoyed, did your work, encountered some problems, and when finally you sat with your family to laugh your heart out...

...that is when it hits you hard. In that tiny moment between your roaring laughter, when out of breath, you gasped, it dawned upon you that this all is temporary. It's when you start to realize, that maybe not within the blink of an eye, but 5 or 10 years down the road, someone sitting in the room, would not be there anymore. Someone you could have given your life for.

Fear grips you, and for the tiniest part of a second, your surroundings disappear, leaving you in pitch dark. But that's not it. You get a perception of your life without them, and you feel chronic pain, a sharp stab in your chest. Unable to move, unable to breathe, you try to figure out what the future would then hold for you. The moment this feeling starts to disappear, you enter a state of complete oblivion. All your life you taught yourself to be practical... But now? Now you struggle to deny that this could ever happen. Pushing yourself to believe that the person would never leave you, you try to calm yourself down.

You deny the fact that humans are mortal, yet wonder what life would be after them, and tears well up in your eyes. They have been an important and constant part of your life, and just imagining life without them is painful enough. You try to perceive the shock and pain you would receive when it actually happens. But you quickly dismiss your feelings.

This all happens in a flash, in a matter of seconds, and when you return from your state of oblivion, you find yourself yet again in the warm company of your family, and seeing their smiling faces gives you comfort. Not wanting to disturb them, you secretly wipe away your tears and decide to live in the moment.

You forget about it soon, and go on with your daily life. Later in the day, when you are free, and alone with your thoughts, the feeling returns. Only difference, this time it is not a blow to you, but comes plodding. 

Starting to rationalize things, you accept that death is inevitable. All you can do is make the most of your days together. You realize that you will probably break down, lose control, shatter, but everything is uncertain. You fail to fathom that feeling, probably because you are too scared to do so. The emptiness that fills you, makes you ponder. Memories flash in front of you, where, out of human nature, you disrespected them, or failed to show your love, making them feel unwanted. You know it's all normal, and you may have not meant it in the long run, but those insignificant moments alone are big enough to create a lump of guilt in your throat. You swear to love them more, take each step carefully, because you just can't imagine a life worth to be lived, without them.

During this trail of thoughts is when you fall asleep. You sleep with a peaceful smile across your face, free from all worries. And when you wake up the next day, you would have forgotten all about it. Going on with your normal life, but subconsciously, loving your family more.

A very normal day indeed.

So, I guess it's just the feeling of loss, or death, which is truly capable of showing us who we want to be, and how we want to treat those around us. It's not that we haven't loved them, but is love ever enough? It always leaves us hanging for more, and destroys us in the end. Destruction not in the literal sense. Take it as cycle, I believe. It recycles you, molds you into something different, probably something better, depending on how you take it. Loss will always leave a gaping hole, but can't a hole in the wall be turned into a window? The window with the best view. A view which gives you pain, but at the same time, gives you immense strength and reminds you of the person you wish to be. A way to the past, which you can visit to feel that love, time and again, if you are strong enough to do so. Death is not beautiful, but you are.

Life is too simple, yet so complicated. 

Memories

There will come a day when you will float above it all. Not like a boat, but like a glacier. Because you should not forget these struggles that shape you into being the beautiful you. Like most of the part of a glacier is hidden and unexplored, so should be yours, to others.
This hidden part will be your own secret bank of memories. The moments which made you scream with joy, cry your heart out, gaze with awe, freeze you with fear, and the endless unexplainable moments. These memories you make over the years will be your strongest support.
This bank won't only remind you of the lessons you have learnt, but sometimes it will force you to commit the same mistake time and again, just because it gives you that heightened sense of pleasure which can make you go a long way.
Not all 'mistakes' are going to be wrong you know? As there are tears of joy, so are happy mistakes.
What's awe inspiring about this bundle of experiences is that it's not only your experiences. There is so much to learn from other's mistakes or their success.
In the end you just have to grow up to be the person you would have liked your younger self to learn from.
One can be built up with so many layers that they may forget about their own core, which, in my opinion is not wrong. Because that's just because they have had many experiences, and stored them in their bank.
Trust in yourself, and work on yourself. Because someone truly said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Little Things

It's not often that we succeed to find the immense happiness present in the little things. We are so absorbed by the negative things, or are looking forward to the big events, that we overlook the uplifting effect the tiniest moment can have.
We realize the worth of these things only after we have lost or lived them. And after that, it's not the big events that we remember. Rather, it is these joyous moments that occupy a large space of the memories we have collected. What seemed so insignificant, now becomes unfathomable.
These moments turn into something profound, but only after we realize that we cannot live them afresh.
I don't say to look forward to every smallest thing in life. What I mean to say is, when you feel that your life is overpowered by sadness, you have to look around. Look around with trust, and more often than not, you will find yourself surrounded by little things.
These little things create minute moments which, if you desire, can give you the tranquility you deserve.

Contentment

Coming across a beautiful site which gives you inner peace and a heightened sense of exuberance is rare. But, we are capable of capturing that moment to cherish it forever.
Sometimes, in moments similar to these, we find ourselves thinking of someone who could have turned that scenic beauty into something spiritual. That's when we realize the importance of a human soul. Being attached to materialistic things is easy, and hurts less. But, materialism will never succeed in touching your soul and transforming you into something more humane and less human.
This, in my opinion, can only be achieved when you gaze at the heart warming scene, with your loved one sitting beside you. Sounds perfect, but it maybe not. Because the human heart has a tendency to always want something more, which we need to overcome.
After all, we are not content if we get the things we ask for. Contentment is when you are able to appreciate what you have, and yet try to make it better in ways you know you can.
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Supermoon inspired.